My October.

October. I really don't know how I can actually sum up my feelings from this month. There were moments I could feel my heart growing. It goes without saying October is my favorite month. However, this has been my favorite October yet.

The month of October started off by saying 'yes' to my bestfriend and love of my life when he asked if I would marry him. It was one of those moments where I felt like I was observing it rather than living it. I couldn't have asked for anything better. The amount of love I felt that day was incredible. Not only did I feel love from my now Fiancé, but I felt love from my family and friends. Their support of our relationship was incredible. I remember going home that night falling asleep and waking up feeling like the day before didn't even happen. Then I glanced down at my left hand and saw my engagement ring and instantly all the feelings from the day before came rushing back.

I think the theme I felt in the month of October is definitely feeling loved. My birthday reminded me I have some incredible people in my life. I spent it celebrating with my nephews and parents over breakfast. Then spent it with amazing friends in the evening just painting pumpkins, and just hanging out.

I started this project one year ago. To see how much can change in only one year is incredible. I started my 23rd year single, kind of a mess. Recovering from feeling pretty empty in LA, and then feeling thankful after moving home. I was finally having the realization the smallest moments in life are the best. Even one year later I still have a hard time holding onto those small moments but I would like to think I am getting better at it. The year had it's up's and down's but goodness God is so good. I can't wait to see my 24th year unfold just as God has planned.

My September.

I honestly have no idea how I survived September. It might sound pretty dramatic… but September seriously kicked my butt. Finished one job, and moved onto the next with no break in between was insane. Not to mention everything else that was happening during the month. For someone reason I felt like I was constantly being pulled in every direction. I felt the constant need to be everywhere and do everything even if it meant me being exhausted. However, looking back on the month of September I am reminded of how incredibly blessed I am. I am so incredibly thankful I even have the opportunity to be tired of starting a new job. I have only been working in Stockton for a few weeks and I can already feel my heart growing even more fond of the city.

The month of September was full of celebrations. Birthday, baby showers, and of course celebrating Fall. I am so happy I was able to spend as much time as I did with my friends and family this month. I honestly don't realize how much being around my family helps keep me sane sometimes. This month was full of so many amazing moments that seriously warmed my heart. It amazes me how much God is working in my life and in the lives of the people around me. With each month there are always going to be "low's" but it's how I respond to them that I find to be very important.

I can't believe I have been posting videos for almost a year. September marks my last full month in my 23rd year. The whole point of this project was to be able to remind myself to cherish the small moments. The moments we laugh, and even the moments we cry. I am so incredibly blessed. I can't help but feel so incredibly thankful for everyone who is in my life.

My August.

August, my oh my. I really don’t know where the month went. It was full of some pretty great moments. Each time a month comes to a close and I take a moment to reflect I realize how much I have grown. This month is no different. I went into the month of August so excited for all the fun things I had planned. Little did I know God had way bigger plans than I could have guessed. This month I went to Tahoe with friends which was a much needed trip away and wonderful to spend time with friends I don’t get to spend quality time with often. Made a quick trip and visited my boyfriends family in Visalia. I don’t think I realized how much I have missed all of them until we saw them.

With all the things I had planned for in August I don’t think I ever guess God would have a job change in store for me. As I closed the month of August I began the process of closing a chapter  of working at a Modesto based agency. I don’t think anyone I work with realizes how thankful I am to have even been given he opportunity to not only have a job I loved in Modesto but to have a job in general. When I started working for them I had just been laid off and unemployed. Now as I enter September I will be starting a new chapter of working at an agency Stockton. I don’t know how else to explain it…I am just really excited for this change.

One reason why I am just happy about August ending… is that fall is just around the corner. It was really hard for me to just embrace the extremely warm temperatures of the last month of summer. I have to admit it was a great month. Spent with the people who mean a lot to me. I was blessed with time to have Portuguese soup with my grandma and just catch up on life with her. Also, not to mention one of my closest friends got engaged! So incredibly excited for the months to come in celebrating the two of them. I know I say this in pretty much every month.. but God is so wonderful.

My July.

July, you were such a good month... Minus the extremely warm temperatures of course. It goes without saying the Fall is my favorite season. So when the summer rolls in I generally complain a lot, become more grumpy, and sometimes even feel miserable. Not too appealing, I know. In the midst of all of that this July was actually pretty great. I spent less time worrying about things at work and in life that were out of my control. I was blessed with being able to go camping with my family and boyfriend for a night this July. Being able to just escape technology for a night and day was so needed. I forgot how much I loved being in the mountains. Being back in the campgrounds I spent most of my summers growing up was pretty amazing. I found myself just looking around and remembering all the different things my family and I used to do while being up there each summer. Also, probably one of my favorite moments camping was going on a night walk and basically letting the stars be the flashlight. I hadn't done that in probably 3 years.

I'm trying my hardest to remember all the moments I had this month that made it so good... but it was full of so many I honestly can't wrap my mind around it. When I say it was such a great month I don't mean it was jam packed with only happy moments and never struggled. What I've come to realize over this past year is that even in the struggles there is always something that comes from it that is positive. That could be me learning something about myself or growing in a relationship. Then once I realize what positives come from it... I remember it's God working in my life. Which is pretty amazing to reflect on. This month I found myself either forgetting to record for my video, or even remembering to record  and choosing to just be in the moment. This month I was able to see two of my oldest friends get married. It was pretty surreal to see two people I have known for 8 or more years vow to spend the rest of their lives together. Not to mention seeing most of my friends I hung out with in high school make a toast to them. It made me realize we aren't 16 and in high school  anymore. And we don't spend our Friday nights piling into a car to head to a football game or the movies. Even though of course I knew that along time ago it was just one of those moments. This month has definitely been a month of reminiscing and at the same time looking forward to the future. So thankful and blessed.

My June.

Honestly, I don't think I have ever been more excited to see a month come to a close. When I went into the month of June I looked at my calendar and saw that almost all of my free time was filled with something. Whether it was work, family functions or other commitments my time was completely booked before the month of June even started. I found myself stressed and putting my own stress on the ones surrounding me. This month showed me I really need to take time for myself and not over commit myself. Every time someone asked me how I was doing my initial response was to tell them I have been stressed. I even found myself stressing about being stressed. In the month of June I was constantly asking God to simply help me get through my day without feeling overwhelmed. Even when I knew I was maxed out on what I could offer in time to others, I felt myself feeling like I wasn't doing enough. June reminded me I need to take one thing at a time.

Even though my month was a little insane... the moments I got to spend with my  friends and family was a complete blessing. Little moments like when I found myself laughing from someones joke, or smiling because my nephew wanted snuggles in the morning were what helped me get through this month. I was able to spend time with my sister, brother in-law and my adorable niece Isabelle this month whom I rarely get to see. I was able to serve at VBS at church which was time consuming but amazing. Seeing all the kiddos having fun and learning about Jesus was definitely worth it. I was able to see friends I hardly get to see anymore and celebrate a friends bachelorette-ness. As busy as the month of June was it's pretty cool to look back and think "wow how did I do all of that in one month?" I am so thankful for my family, friends, and boyfriend. They all helped attempt to keep me  sane this month. The month of June was definitely a challenge in many ways. All I have to say is... God is so good.

My May.

I honestly can't tell you where the month of May went. It seems like the longer the month the faster it goes. When I look back on the month of May the first thing that comes to my mind is family and friends. This month has been spent with my family... and friends that I consider family. I honestly couldn't be happier about it. I found myself spending the majority of my time in Stockton. Not just because of my boyfriend, friends, or church... but also because of work. It's amazing to see that God is working in my life and is continuing to pull me towards the city of Stockton. That also comes with the struggle of being patient and waiting for Gods timing. I couldn't even tell you how many times I was asked this month when I am moving to Stockton. All I know is, in Gods timing that will happen. As much as I would love to live in Stockton already... I know I am meant to be in Modesto at home. God made that pretty clear to me in the month of December when I lost my job and moved home.  I love spending time with my nephews and with my parents. I honestly don't know how often that would happen if I didn't live at home, let alone the same town. I am so incredibly thankful for my parents. I am so blessed that I can talk to my mom about anything.

In the past few months I felt like I was constantly trying to not let work completely consume me. It's seriously been a constant battle. By the end of the  month I finally felt like I was able to find that balance. Of course there were days when work stressed me out. However, as the month came to a close I was starting to realize I wasn't feeling that weight of work when I left the office. I definitely can thank my boyfriend and parents for calling me out when they noticed me emailing after work or on the weekend. Making time to just read my bible before work, or to make sure I left the office during my lunch hour really helped keep me sane this month. The month of May has definitely had its ups and downs like any other month. I found myself feeling a little more emotional and dependent on God. It definitely allowed me to open up to people and to not be worried about sharing how I was feeling in that moment. I am so incredibly thankful for everyone in my life. I honestly don't know what I would do without the people in my life who are just there for me when I need someone to talk to.

My April.

Honestly, this has been one of the hardest months for me to write about. April marks one year of me living back in the Central Valley. I seriously can't even fathom how I was feeling this time last year. Yes, I had the small moments of happiness. However, I was far from being happy to say the least. I vividly remember laying in bed in my LA apartment,  this time last year looking up at the ceiling praying out loud to God. I was in tears, asking him to help me find a way to get out of LA. I knew where my heart was...and that city was not it. I not only prayed to leave, but I prayed to just be happy in general. I just wanted to be able to genuinely answer someone when they asked "How are you doing". Let me tell you, he answered.

This April, I couldn't help but to be constantly reminded everyday where I was a year ago. I completely cherished the small moments this month. I am thankful to be surrounded by wonderful friends, family, boyfriend... the list goes on and on. I am constantly trying to remind myself to not be consumed with work and not spreading myself too thin. I never want to see my social life and work life be so connected that I can't differentiate between the two. This month has been full of wonderful moments. Exploring Big Tree State Park with my boyfriend was probably the best way to start my month. Walking the trails and just having a great time enjoying each others company was pretty amazing. I was able to be with my family more this month which I'm pretty thankful for. I was also able to spend time with friends I don't normally get the chance to see. This month I found myself realizing that I really do need those moments where I sit with my friends and just have a beer, or drive around while singing on the top of our lungs. I am so thankful for those moments of not having a million thoughts on my mind. One of the most magical moments this month was my adorable niece Isabelle Rose being born. Already having two nephews I honestly didn't know how I could feel the same amount of love towards a new addition to the family. But once the time came and my sister went into labor and then finally meeting her.. I seriously love my little niece to pieces. To look back on not only just this April but a year ago, it's amazing to see how God has answered that one small (yet large) prayer I cried out while laying in my room while staring at my ceiling in LA. I can't help but to feel blessed.

My March.

When first looking back on the month I really had no idea what had even happened. The month of March has been one of the longest months, and almost felt never ending at times. I noticed a shift in how I spent my time from the previous months. I spent a large amount of time doing things that weren't necessarily the top of my list when it comes to my free time. Every moment seemed to be extremely planned out for me. So looking back at my month one thing I can say is that I am extremely blessed and have cherished the small moments. It's the little moments in your day or week when you can just sit there and enjoy the quiet. I remember laying on the driveway with my oldest nephew feeling the sun on my face while eating orange slices. It was so simple, yet probably one of my most cherished moments of the month with him. It was those moments I was able to just sit and play card games with my boyfriend, or go for a walk around his neighborhood while trying to decide which houses were more haunted. With a serious lack of time spent with my friends I was able to spend the time I had with my family and wonderful boyfriend. Which seems ironic looking back at my month because I felt like I hardly saw them at all.

Looking back at where I was this time last year, I remember I  was working and constantly surrounded by a self absorbed industry. It's pretty great to think that my time this month was mostly spent doing things that either helped others or made them feel loved. Even though I felt like I didn't have much time to do the things I really enjoy doing I still really cherished the month of March. Besides it's better to serve than be served right? I thank the Lord everyday for the people in my life pushing me closer to Jesus. I am so blessed to have people in my life who are constantly reminding me of how great he is. I spent the last evening of March with some amazing people I am lucky to have in my life. No matter where we are the conversation is always brought back to talking about Gods work in our lives. Sometimes I get caught up in the every day-ness in my life. I feel stressed and overwhelmed... and then all of the sudden I find myself  drinking a beer, listening to amazing music, and having wonderful conversation with friends. I then realize we all have those stresses in our lives and we are lucky enough to have each other to lean on.

My February.

As I sit here in my room listening to the rain on my window and reflecting on the past month I can't help but to feel humbled. For the last two months I have spent worried and wondering what God has in store for me. Let me tell you... when he answers, he really answers. This month I started a new job. It has been a very long time since I have actually completely enjoyed what I am doing. I am happy to say I love my job and am excited to see where it takes me. I have the tendency to completely consume myself with a job. My new position is currently part time. I was a little bummed about it at first but what I am realizing is, that it is teaching me how to not let a job consume me. It's helping me realize I can't let that happen anymore no matter how much I enjoy my job. Because my job isn't what defines who I am and isn't my complete identity. This month I have felt almost pulled in a million directions. I am realizing that I have more obligations or things filling my time more than ever. It's funny how things tend to shift. I keep having to remind myself these things and people have been placed in my life for a reason. This month has been full of amazing events. It also goes without saying that February is generally categorized as a month of love. I'm not one for the month of February, or the always dreaded Valentines Day. The holiday was filled with love, hiking, trying new food, and grabbing a beer. To say I feel completely blessed to have met someone who knows me so well (probably better than I know myself sometimes) is an understatement. This month has surpassed any expectation that I could have ever expected to be. I don't know what I would do without everyone who fills up my life. So completely thankful and blessed.